You get tired of waking up in the morning and realizing after a second that what ever happened to you wasn’t a nightmare. I would not change being someone who got to know that love to be someone who does not know grief — even though there are days where the pain was so great I thought it would kill me, and a few where I hoped it would. Loving someone is such a vulnerable thing because as you give your heart to that person, you don’t know what will happen to it. Poems about the Loss of a Loved One When we lose something that is precious to us, we are left with a feeling of sadness. Maybe those things are just my way of trying to force reason onto something unreasonable. When we bring to mind the unbreakable bonds between us and a loved one, as well as the influence those have had on our life, the fear of loving someone you love would decrease. Fortunately, fear of losing someone can be treated. I think you live with it, as best you can. I distinctly remember the exact moment when I realized that our love would live forever in the past. It is not easy, it is not fair, but it is true. Criticizing your personal choices and interests, such as educational pursuits, career, clothing, favorite music, time spent on your hobbies, etc. Divine or otherwise, I do not think anyone planned for things to be this way; I think sometimes things just are and you have to navigate the wreckage accordingly. It has just become this horrible thing I live with. In your heart and dreams is where they remain forever. She died before she got to the hospital. You may unsubscribe at any time. Sign up for the Thought Catalog Weekly and get the best stories from the week to your inbox every Friday. But it will hurt less, and it can survive be survived. May our combined energies comfort him and all those who loved him. Give love to those who need it — a pet, family, friends, or someone or something you encounter through a volunteer program. Basically, there is almost no person in this world who can accept their mortality. What is about losing someone you love dreams meaning? As irreparably broken, gutted, hollow as one may feel, it does not kill you. Healing the Pain After Losing Someone You Love Everything we have – every person, relationship, possession, pet, anything – is transient. The answer to the mystery of existence is the love we share with someone else. Of course, how and when these stages hit is different for everyone. I know I did. A traumatic loss of someone you love has life-changing effects on how you live, move, and even breathe. How to Let Go of Someone You Love: 13 Essential Tips ... Because breaking up is much more than losing the person you loved, it’s losing the person you thought you were while you were with them. Happy Birthday Mom. Maybe you love someone who is with somebody else in a monogamous relationship. And how I changed, for better or worse. I understand that a lot of people disagree with me on this. If you are alive then live, and take solace in the fact that everyone has moments where it feels like the universe has a personal vendetta against him or her. I lost a few good friends in a short time span and I could not understand how one person could be expected to cope. Days where I plead with my head and heart to stop thinking long enough for me to inhale, exhale, and repeat. Bad days happen no matter how long I have had to grieve and cope and process. I wanted to blame the universe for putting me in an impossible situation, but I realized the universe was not doing this to me personally. Everyone deals with it differently, and there is no wrong way to do it. If you have feelings for them at all, then you’re going to be upset if they were to one day walk away from you. I can tell from how people respond and the look they get in their eyes if they have lost someone too. Losing the love of your life makes you realize that love can truly be a double-edged sword. Discover you dream meanings with about losing someone you love. These words are for the one looking for hope; for the one questioning whether they’ll ever truly be okay. Coping is a strange concept. I almost wish they each happened, and they happened in a specific order. No one tells your friends and family how to help you through it. While it may feel as though a dementor has sucked every last hint of happiness from your chest, you will have days where you think of them and you do not cry. How it made me stronger than I ever wanted to be. Feeling numb when someone you love dies is part of a healthy physiological reaction to loss. We want to see these patterns so badly that we manufacture them, make up cause-effects, and assign links where none exist. And particular parts of your brain respond to emotional pain by making you feel physical pain. It is a blessing to know this pain, to have had someone who made saying good-bye so impossibly hard. The fear of losing someone you love is completely and totally natural. Losing ones husband-wife: Often dreamt by people in middle age. But there are still an egregious amount of days I am forced to live in moments. Days where I gasp and ache for air that only comes in short insufficient bursts. Maybe you love someone who’s moving away and you can’t do long distance. I can find meaning around the situation. I pray for you to have days where you think of them and smile. Sometimes I’m still getting used to being this person who has this truth, who wishes she knew what to do to with it, who wishes she never had to join this not-so-exclusive club. I do not believe the grand ever-expanding universe is concerned with the temporary speck of dust that is my life. The alveoli protest, and the muscles refuse to expand and contract and relieve me. I OWN NOTHING BUT THE EDITING :)*also this isn’t directed towards losing someone as in a death, i made it directly for losing someone like your best friend. How to Get over the Death of Someone You Love. All Rights Reserved. The reality of losing someone I love is very sad. Everything My Mother Taught Me About Life Before She Passed Away, 100 Heart-Wrenching & Powerful Quotes About Losing A Loved One, Songwriter Jackson Gillies Shares An Average Day Living With Hidradenitis Suppurativa, What Everyone Did (And Didn’t) Tell Me About Losing A Loved One, 13 Lesser Known Taylor Swift Quotes That Show Her Wisdom And Sincerity, 12 Heartbreaking Things You Learn When You Lose A Parent Too Soon, How To (Actually) Let Go Of Someone Who Doesn’t Love You Back. Learn about us. You may experience only one or all of those, as well as a hundred other possible feelings. You may think you are ready for a big change but I do not think things hit you the exact way you expect — even if you have had time to prepare for it. Learn how to make them happy. Dreams About Losing Someone You Love - Dreams Meanings. As the Doctor once said, “The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things. In fact, I believe a lot of times the big moments are not planned; they happen in a second that was supposed to be normal. Michael. The above facts will help you overcome th e fear of losing loved ones and if it doesn’t help then you might need to seek professional help. I could not think in years after I lost him. I do my best to honor their life and remember them, and while it has weathered me I am stronger for withstanding the storm. These words are for us all. For a long time my life passed in moments. The good things don’t always soften the bad things, but vice versa, the bad things don’t always spoil the good things and make them unimportant.”. It may be that you decide to collect donations to a favorite charity of the deceased, passing on a family name to a baby or planting a garden in memory. ... Hope and Healing After Losing Your Partner. You gave me a forever within the numbered days, and I’m grateful.”-John Green. I want to remember the people I love and I want to keep talking about them because staying silent about their lives seems worse than death. Madison McCullough, LCSW, a New York City-based therapist, told INSIDER that this loss of interest oftentimes occurs when "there is something that comes up that indicates a real difference in values or things that will really affect a person's lifestyle." Seconds, moments, minutes I could handle. Yet it’s not easy to love yourself. A guy needs to see everyday that he has someone so special in his life that could love, care, and share his life with. Science tells us that human beings long to see patterns, to recognize and categorize all we come into contact with. Losing something or someone: This probably relates to feelings about a lost opportunity, something that you have forgotten that you need to remember, or the loss of an important personal quality like confidence or virginity. People are afraid it is too late. What do you mean you can’t do ___________ for me?”, “Remember how I helped you with ___________? Love is timeless, love is immortal. Some days like that are marked on the calendar — anniversaries, birthdays, holidays. I know the world can treat you badly. My tall son with his dear dear friend, Gary.. Losing someone you love through changes such as: death, divorce, relationship demise, or miscarriage, is a painful and emotional experience. And to everyone I have lost, and to those who will understand this. Dreams About Losing Someone You Love. Punishing you for expressing vulnerability by invalidating thoughts and feelings you share with them, Attacking you whenever you express an opinion counter to theirs, Dismissing your needs and/or belittling your interests in counterproductive ways, Privately or publicly shaming or humiliating you, Making you feel as though you can never live up to their expectations or do anything right (according to their own vague, subjective standards), Gaslighting you into thinking they said or did something that never actually happened (making you question your own reality). And quite dreadfully, it is possible to live with horrible things. The first time I lost someone who was truly important to me, people just looked at me with sad eyes. If the pain of the loss is so constant and severe that it keeps you from resuming your life, you may be suffering from a condition known as complicated grief. A 2011 study explains that loss of love can be a great source of unhappiness. Then suddenly, it was months later. 5 Steps to Get Unstuck, How Continuous Improvement Can Enhance Your Personal Life, How to Improve Intimacy in Your Marriage and Rekindle the Passion, Why You Feel Lonely In Your Marriage And How To Deal With It, 6 Signs Of A Controlling Person To Be Aware Of, How To Spark A Positive Mood When Feeling Dull, How to Recognize a Controlling Relationship and What to Do About It, How To Stop Emotional Abuse And Communicate Effectively, Be Aware of These 8 Signs Of A Manipulator, 7 Ways To Have More Confident Body Language, How To Stay Away From Toxic People When It’s Hard To Do So, 9 Strategies To Stop Putting Things Off And Start Getting Things Done, How to Influence People and Make Them Feel Good, 3 Strategies to Build Momentum in Life and Find Success, Being Kind to Control Freaks Is Being Cruel to Yourself, How To Spot Toxic People: 6 Traits To Watch Out For, 10 Signs Your Marriage Is Over And It’s Time To Move On, Science Says People Who Talk To Themselves Are Geniuses, “I did ___________ for you. You start to recognize each other like you are part of some terrible club. The entire universe continued to operate on days, weeks, and months while I operated moment by moment. No one teaches you how to lose someone. If it did not matter it would not hurt in such an almighty manner. How it gave me courage. The universe may be screwing you, but I do not think it is personal. There will even be days you smile while you remember them. There is no time period after which you will no longer feel these things, no statue of limitations on mourning, no way to know when they’ll hit. Sometimes so imperfectly, and when the loss wakes you, you can’t get off your knees for a long time, driven to your knees not just by the weight of the loss, but by the gratitude for what preceded the loss. Don’t you care about my needs too?”, “You’re so selfish!” or “You don’t care about me at all!” (gaslighting if you respond with hesitation or politely decline their request for help for perfectly valid reasons, such as not having enough time or resources to assist them), Criticizing things about you that you have little to no control over (e.g., appearance, disability, family). At the end he loses you and sees you go off with another guy who would treat you more better. It is hard not to take it personally when bad things happen around you. I fear rejection, I fear abandonment, but my biggest fear of all is that I will somehow lose them. It's also possible to love someone, but come to the conclusion you aren't a good match. It is hard to be left behind, a part of you buried with them. I do not think you ever really get over it. Death, whether expected or sudden, is always unfair. Even too-short lives can be good lives. There are days my lungs refuse to take in air. I remember the first time, in my early twenties when I lost someone I loved. It is unfair to the person who died and to all those left behind. You also… Learn to listen to them. How some of my friendships were strengthened from it. A teacher might pat me on the shoulder in what I am sure was an attempt to be consoling, but just as no one teaches you how to get through it, no one teaches your friends and family how to help you through it, either. It is why I write about them, because it helps keep them alive and with me. Which is actually almost cruel. This is a sad, sad, oh so very very sad week in my household. You weren’t born to love anyone. Submit your writing to be published on Thought Catalog. Maybe your values and ideals don't match up. I’ve found when I think about the people I love most in life, I sometimes fall into the fear trap. You get used to it, you go on anyway, but you are different because of it. When you see the person you love fall in love with someone else, it breaks you. “When someone you love dies, and you’re not expecting it, you don’t lose her all at once; you lose her in pieces over a long time — the way the mail stops coming, and her scent fades from the pillows and even from the clothes in her closet and drawers. I could get through the moment I was in. To Eric, who taught me so much more than the things in this list. Everything changes in an instant you cannot control, and you are left to deal with the aftermath. You have to learn to love someone. I wouldn’t trade it for the world. And time doesn’t really make easier. I choose to remember them because I know that when I grieve it is because I got to love someone, and nothing can make that weightless. In turn they have to learn to love you. Grief can make you so terribly tired. That took a lot of time and energy from me, but I guess you didn’t appreciate my help.”, “I always give you ___________. No one really said anything to me. A common fear is thanatophobia —a fear of death. I have to say I think it is cruel that the world does not stop when one needs time to grieve. It is perfectly reasonable to take a step back and be sad, because it IS sad. If a guy doesn't care about you and treats you like crap, then he is just a child. There is always a risk in love. This isn’t news to anybody in a relationship. That includes you btw. When the big moments come, I do not think it is possible to prepare. It can also slash our hearts to shreds, leaving painful emotion seeping out for a long time to come. Even if it happened a long time ago it still matters. Then that one would pass and another would come, and I would get through that moment too. Dedicated to your stories and ideas. These feelings do not happen in order and on a schedule, they wax and wane as they please. The more you learn about how your body and brain protects itself from overwhelming pain, the easier it’ll be to handle the numbness. It did not feel as though months had passed. No. Joanne Fink. Anything beyond that I did not dare to think I could control. How to Stay Motivated and Reach Your Big Goals in Life, How to Persevere (and Get Ahead) When the Going Gets Tough, How to Increase Motivation When You’re in a Slump, 7 Things To Remember When You Feel Broken Inside, 10 Things You Can Do Now to Change Your Life Forever, I Don’t Know What to Do With My Life! Time just changed for me. Yes, I have gone on, I have done things; I get up and continue on every day since I refuse to just give up. You change and you long to keep them alive. Gradually, you accumulate the parts of her that are gone. I still say love, present tense. No one can ever convince me certain events happened for a reason. Learn more about working with Thought Catalog. I learned it is okay that you do not get to be the same, because I am forever grateful, blessed, and honored to have been part of their life. Let us all imagine our ‘trunks’ together in mourning and sorrow for your dear Uncle Marty. Whether it is a precious friend or even a treasured object, the loss can be hard to bear. The Truth About Losing Someone You Love My hope, is that someone can find some sort of comfort knowing that they are not alone in their distraught feelings, and to finally break the silence on a topic that is extremely important and often avoided I know that is what they would want for me, and how they would want to be remembered — with love and joy instead of pain and tears. I hope you’d be proud of who I have become. A while back, a lady named Kubler-Ross came up with the idea that there are 5 stages of grief people experience after suffering a loss. A linear timeline I could point to and say, “this is what I have to survive, this is all that is left to get through this.” As one of my favorite authors John Green has pointed out, the world is apparently not a wish-granting factory. Mostly what I have learned is it does not get better necessarily, it just gets….less. Then the moment that should have been ordinary goes wrong, and you adapt as best you can. It is incredibly sucky to understand and accept that, but even the best-intentioned people may not know what to say to you. I could not stand to let death take away the good memories I have of someone or make the time I spent with them seem less important. When we mourn, we often forget that we did not just lose them, we lost part of ourselves too. No one tells you the 5 stages of grief do not come in order, and they do not have a statue of limitations. Now I see days and months and years again, when I am at my best. I still felt the same: still ached, still could not sleep, still held back tears any time I wasn’t alone. A blessing, and then poof! "In … Complicated grief is like being stuck in an intense state of mourning. Dreaming about about losing someone you love. If I had to put the look in their eyes into a word — even though there really isn’t one — it would be tired. Very hard. Heartbreak can be experienced in a wide range of forms, including chest pain, stomachaches, loss … Fear of Losing Someone You Love If we remembered that we are connected, our hearts would warm and our grief would ease. “I cannot tell you how thankful I am for our little infinity. A fear of losing someone you love is perfectly normal to some extent. From a very young age we’re conditioned to think happiness comes from the external. Work still has to be done, deadlines still have to be met, and the universe does not care one bit that you are only a fraction of what you were.

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